I have come to discover recently that it probably isn't good idea to live in a house full of males when you are going through menopause. The word itself seems to be a signal that during these sensitive times, you need a "pause on men". Lately, I have been a bundle of emotions. Well actually, I have always been a bundle of emotions. But, they are heightened to the 10th degree. Sounds seem louder. Especially, when my husband snores, my poodle whines, and my sons listen to that bass heavy, electronic "dubstep" music. It makes me want to scream! Don't they understand that my ovaries hurt!? My breasts are doing some weird painful thing, too and silence is the only cure! I understand their stuff. Is it too much to ask that they would take the time to be a little more sympathetic and study the intricacies of the female reproductive system?
I really think that until I actually complete this evil female metamorphosis, I should be able to live alone in a lovely cottage on the beach. Of course my darling husband and sons would be able to visit often with gourmet meals and flowers, but they just wouldn't be able to stay all day. And overnights would definitely be out of the question. Strictly for their well-being of course. I mean, they don't need to be around me in this wacked-out hormone imbalanced state. Who knows when a severe mood swing might hit me or a hot flash that feels like I've been dipped in a volcano comes over me? Huh? I am not responsible for my actions during these times and their safety is always my first priority.
Also, pets should be kenneled. At least ones weigh over 200lbs, drool incessantly and shake the floor when they bark. Not sure exactly why they should not stay in the home, but let's cover all bases, shall we?
Cooking for the family and doing heavy housework should also be handed over until the menopausal period is completely over. I have heard that small lapses in memory can take place and it would just break my heart to burn a meal or not cook exactly what my picky bunch of testosterone laden children desire or forget to wash their socks or favorite t-shirt. So just until I am "all better", these jobs should be handed over to them.
I figure I should be 100% in about 8 years. Coincidently, this will be the same year my youngest son turns 18. Yes, I am sure I will feel much better around then. But only if he has a full scholarship and they pay for his apartment through the completion of his studies and afterwards.
Of course, I kid. So far going through "the change" hasn't been so bad. Very annoying and too slow for my liking, but it's the price we women have to pay for being able to get pregnant, be swollen and uncomfortable for nine months, experience excruciating pain giving birth, and then sleepless nights until forever.
Come to think of it, i'm not kidding. I need my place on the beach and I need it NOW!!!
I really think that until I actually complete this evil female metamorphosis, I should be able to live alone in a lovely cottage on the beach. Of course my darling husband and sons would be able to visit often with gourmet meals and flowers, but they just wouldn't be able to stay all day. And overnights would definitely be out of the question. Strictly for their well-being of course. I mean, they don't need to be around me in this wacked-out hormone imbalanced state. Who knows when a severe mood swing might hit me or a hot flash that feels like I've been dipped in a volcano comes over me? Huh? I am not responsible for my actions during these times and their safety is always my first priority.
Also, pets should be kenneled. At least ones weigh over 200lbs, drool incessantly and shake the floor when they bark. Not sure exactly why they should not stay in the home, but let's cover all bases, shall we?
Cooking for the family and doing heavy housework should also be handed over until the menopausal period is completely over. I have heard that small lapses in memory can take place and it would just break my heart to burn a meal or not cook exactly what my picky bunch of testosterone laden children desire or forget to wash their socks or favorite t-shirt. So just until I am "all better", these jobs should be handed over to them.
I figure I should be 100% in about 8 years. Coincidently, this will be the same year my youngest son turns 18. Yes, I am sure I will feel much better around then. But only if he has a full scholarship and they pay for his apartment through the completion of his studies and afterwards.
Of course, I kid. So far going through "the change" hasn't been so bad. Very annoying and too slow for my liking, but it's the price we women have to pay for being able to get pregnant, be swollen and uncomfortable for nine months, experience excruciating pain giving birth, and then sleepless nights until forever.
Come to think of it, i'm not kidding. I need my place on the beach and I need it NOW!!!
you would get bored without all of your men and animals. But if you do find that island save me a room.
ReplyDeleteProbably, but I should have the chance to find out, don't you think? WHen you come visit, don't forget the chicken wings and mojitos! :)
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