|It's not always easy, but smiling helps!|
On January 3rd, I finished my 8 rounds of chemo. That was a very rough experience. But, the amazing nurses in the cancer center helped make my time there, bearable. Part of me felt like, "Okay chemo is done, time to feel back to normal again." I knew that wasn't going to happen, but I really hoped it would. I actually do feel better. I still have neuropathy in my hands and feet, the hot flashes still plague me and my energy is still so so. But, I was able to fix dinner for my family 3 times last week and I don't nap in the middle of the day as much anymore. So, thankfully there are improvements. I even went on an audition. (with an IV in my arm!) I still have surgery and radiation to face soon. And while I'm nervous about both, I feel very optimistic. I still have those moments when I look in the mirror at my bald head and missing eyebrows in disbelief at the fact that I have cancer. I then realize it has only been 4 months since my life was turned upside down by the diagnosis. It has been a non-stop crazy roller-coaster ride since January 4th. But with the help of my family and some really special friends, I made it through something I never thought I would even have to face.
I was talking to a friend of mine today telling her how the things I always thought I wanted to do, don't excite me anymore. I know they say that cancer changes you, but I didn't expect to feel the way I do now. She reminded me that I am going through a lot right now and how I feel today could change after I get through all of this. I sometimes wonder who I'll be after I crush cancer. I wonder if I will still want to act. Or, if I'll concentrate on writing or cooking or something totally different. Will I be more of an introvert or will I want to get out there and see all that life has to offer? I don't know. And that's okay. Right now I just need to focus on healing. So that's what I'm going to do. Those things will work themselves out in time. My priority now is my health.
I send prayers and blessings to all those dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses.
May you find Peace amongst the chaos.
"Healing takes time. Despite great advances in medicine, the biggest
part of your recovery is attributable to the enormous healing power
inside you. The body heals itself according to its
own timetable--anxious thoughts never hasten recuperation."