My Journey With Cancer-Chemo is Done!

It's not always easy, but smiling helps!

On January 3rd, I finished my 8 rounds of chemo. That was a very rough experience. But, the amazing nurses in the cancer center helped make my time there, bearable. Part of me felt like, "Okay chemo is done, time to feel back to normal again." I knew that wasn't going to happen, but I really hoped it would. I actually do feel better. I still have neuropathy in my hands and feet, the hot flashes still plague me and my energy is still so so. But, I was able to fix dinner for my family 3 times last week and I don't nap in the middle of the day as much anymore. So, thankfully there are improvements. I even went on an audition. (with an IV in my arm!) I still have surgery and radiation to face soon. And while I'm nervous about both, I feel very optimistic. I still have those moments when I look in the mirror at my bald head and missing eyebrows in disbelief at the fact that I have cancer. I then realize it has only been 4 months since my life was turned upside down by the diagnosis. It has been a non-stop crazy roller-coaster ride since January 4th. But with the help of my family and some really special friends, I made it through something I never thought I would even have to face.

I was talking to a friend of mine today telling her how the things I always thought I wanted to do, don't excite me anymore. I know they say that cancer changes you, but I didn't expect to feel the way I do now. She reminded me that I am going through a lot right now and how I feel today could change after I get through all of this.  I sometimes wonder who I'll be after I crush cancer. I wonder if I will still want to act. Or, if I'll concentrate on writing or cooking or something totally different. Will I be more of an introvert or will I want to get out there and see all that life has to offer? I don't know. And that's okay. Right now I just need to focus on healing. So that's what I'm going to do. Those things will work themselves out in time. My priority now is my health.

I send prayers and blessings to all those dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses.
May you find Peace amongst the chaos.


"Healing takes time.  Despite great advances in medicine, the biggest
part of your recovery is attributable to the enormous healing power
inside you.  The body heals itself according to its
own timetable--anxious thoughts never hasten recuperation."

Criswell Freeman

My Journey With Cancer-Part 1 Almost Done

Hi everyone. I haven't posted since my 5th chemo treatment. I must admit I was pretty rocked by it. Throughout this entire process so far, that was the worst I have ever felt. Thankfully, treatments #6 and #7 went much better. The only thing negative thing I am continually dealing with is neuropathy in my hands and feet. That definitely isn't pleasant. I have one treatment left and I am really ready to be done. Physically besides hair loss, chemo has affected my energy level, my appetite, my skin, my ability to sleep through the night and my overall strength. Chemo has also thrown my body into menopause. I didn't mind that so much since I was headed in that direction already, but I could have done without the extra intense hot flashes and horrible night sweats. I am hoping those side effects leave sooner rather than later. Emotionally, I'm all over the place. I still have a ton of stress. I believe it's because of the uncertainty of all of this. I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but I have been gobsmacked by all of this and it's not over. I still have surgery and several weeks of daily radiation to face. (God help me)

One thing I do know for sure. Having this affliction has caused me to be patient.  I can't rush any of this. No matter how much I wish I could. It's like being a prisoner in your own body. That causes great frustration at times, but I just have to deal with it. I have been wholeheartedly embraced by strangers and ignored by some in my own family. I have discovered that I have put a lot of energy into people that would never do the same for me. Hard, painful lessons but totally necessary for when I am cancer-free. I have heard that when I get through this, I won't be the same. I've already seen part of the metamorphosis. There are relationships that will forever be changed. There are new friendships that have been made that have been a blessing. They have taught me that when one door closes a new one really does open. I am thankful for that. I have also learned that I have to be truthful about my feelings. I have to take care of myself. I have to say no, when I mean no and not feel bad about it(still working on that.) I have to protect my spirit and my energy. But, I also have to remember to not go too far inward and reach out and pull others up when I can. My introverted tendencies have only gotten worse since my diagnosis, so I have to watch that habit of wanting to shut myself in for extended periods of time. Although, if there was ever a time to do that, this is it.

Enough about me.

Being that this is the first day of the New Year, I must send you well-wishes for the upcoming 365. It is my sincerest hope that this is the best year yet for all of us. May you be filled with love, hope, peace and most of all, Good Health.