Sharing my life with you, is what I do.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The more things change.....

I wake up most mornings at 5:30 a.m. Not because I want to, but because I have to see my 15 year old of to school. I woke up late one morning and he was gone and I had the most empty feeling in my chest until I saw him again. I have four sons and I feel the same about all of them. My oldest son (almost 21)comes and goes and I often don't see him when he leaves for work. I have the same empty feeling when i miss saying goodnight to him. Maybe that comes from losing a child. I guess I just want to experience as much of their lives as possible. A lot of my friends and family say, "cut the strings" They think I am too attached to my kids. Maybe I am. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing. I carried them for nine months, delivered them. nursed them, stayed up with them through illnesses,  sat in emergency rooms with them, (My ds MJ mostly), hugged them when they were sad, listened to their many stories, prayed, cried, laughed and dreamed with them. Too attached? How can I not be? They are a part of me. Now, being attached  does not mean holding them back. I am not one of those moms that doesn't want their children to leave the nest. I truly hope they get to the point where they are strong, self-sufficient, confident young men who are ready to venture off and start their own adventure. Sooner than later would be better. When that time comes, I will probably give them a big hug, say a quick prayer and watch them from the window until I can't see them anymore. Just like I do every morning when I see my 15 year old off to school. Now, I may need sedating if my two little guys go back to school next year.

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