Hi everyone. I haven't posted since my 5th chemo treatment. I must admit I was pretty rocked by it. Throughout this entire process so far, that was the worst I have ever felt. Thankfully, treatments #6 and #7 went much better. The only thing negative thing I am continually dealing with is neuropathy in my hands and feet. That definitely isn't pleasant. I have one treatment left and I am really ready to be done. Physically besides hair loss, chemo has affected my energy level, my appetite, my skin, my ability to sleep through the night and my overall strength. Chemo has also thrown my body into menopause. I didn't mind that so much since I was headed in that direction already, but I could have done without the extra intense hot flashes and horrible night sweats. I am hoping those side effects leave sooner rather than later. Emotionally, I'm all over the place. I still have a ton of stress. I believe it's because of the uncertainty of all of this. I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but I have been gobsmacked by all of this and it's not over. I still have surgery and several weeks of daily radiation to face. (God help me)
One thing I do know for sure. Having this affliction has caused me to be patient. I can't rush any of this. No matter how much I wish I could. It's like being a prisoner in your own body. That causes great frustration at times, but I just have to deal with it. I have been wholeheartedly embraced by strangers and ignored by some in my own family. I have discovered that I have put a lot of energy into people that would never do the same for me. Hard, painful lessons but totally necessary for when I am cancer-free. I have heard that when I get through this, I won't be the same. I've already seen part of the metamorphosis. There are relationships that will forever be changed. There are new friendships that have been made that have been a blessing. They have taught me that when one door closes a new one really does open. I am thankful for that. I have also learned that I have to be truthful about my feelings. I have to take care of myself. I have to say no, when I mean no and not feel bad about it(still working on that.) I have to protect my spirit and my energy. But, I also have to remember to not go too far inward and reach out and pull others up when I can. My introverted tendencies have only gotten worse since my diagnosis, so I have to watch that habit of wanting to shut myself in for extended periods of time. Although, if there was ever a time to do that, this is it.
Enough about me.
Being that this is the first day of the New Year, I must send you well-wishes for the upcoming 365. It is my sincerest hope that this is the best year yet for all of us. May you be filled with love, hope, peace and most of all, Good Health.
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