We Finally Went on Vacation (and other stuff)

Hmmmm? Let's see, what I can blog about today. Well, my family and I took an awesome vacation last week. We went to Orlando, Florida! I think I am still amazed that we went. We had been talking about going for so long. It had been a dream of mine to take my two youngest sons to Universal Studios and SeaWorld. My husband and I hadn't been in 15 years. We took our then 9 and 4 year old sons there after the death of our daughter. It was truly a dream come true being there with all of my guys. We stayed at the Sheraton Vistana Resort on International Drive. It was perfect for our family of 6. We had a 2 bedroom villa with a full kitchen, screened in porch and my favorite appliances, a dishwasher and washer/dryer. It really was great for us all to be together, yet still have our own space. We enjoyed our time at both Universal and SeaWorld. The weather was hot, muggy and it rained a lot. But it didn't hamper our activities one bit.

   Like all vacations, they have to come to an end. And I was actually ready to come back to Chicago. I can't even believe I said that, but it's true. If I had been in the Bahamas relaxing on a beach, I might not have been as ready to come back home. But, spending 3 full days walking at least 50,000 steps and riding roller coasters can truly wear you out. My little guys are ready to go back already and they have decided to get jobs so it won't take us another 15 years to take another vacation. I told them, we didn't plan on waiting that long again, but they were more than welcome to pitch in monetarily. :)

  One thing that made me sad when we came home was that Gunther is no longer here. We had to find him a new home. My oldest son is highly allergic to him and with him being back home now, his allergies flared up immediately. Also, Gunther's sheer size(210lbs), aggressiveness towards strangers and need for a ton of attention became too much for us. It was the hardest decision we have had to make.It was truly like losing one of our kids. Part of me feels like we failed him.We weren't able to get the training he needed and we were unschooled from the beginning on the characteristics of  the Giant breeds and challenges that come with having such an animal as a pet. I miss him,  He's a big, BIG, baby and he deserves a family that will spoil him rotten. I'll never forget Gunther. As a side note, the Dorsey family has sworn off of any pets larger than a poodle. Actually, I think we will just switch to goldfish or maybe a parakeet. 

  Last thing. I am still working as an extra for Chicago Fire and their new season (#3) just started this week. I have probably said this before, but I still get a rush every time I walk on that set.It is an amazing experience to be in the presence of such dedicated actors. I am still trying to find my place in this business, but I am enjoying the journey along the way. 

Peace

The Subject Of Dreams, and other things

“So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.”― Christopher Reeve

I have been in deep thought lately. But, not the kind of thought where any answers are coming. You ever have that? Just a million thoughts and questions, swimming through your head constantly, but no answers? Well, that's where I have been residing for the past few weeks. That is never a good place for me. That's not exactly true. It is okay to be introspective, but when I linger there too long, negativity can start to creep in. I start to think about my age and how I haven't really accomplished any of my big goals. Then, that starts me to thinking about how I never really planned on staying in Chicago and how much I dislike the upcoming cold weather. I start worrying about if my homeschooled sons are learning enough. That leads to me thinking about my incredibly intelligent, newly graduated but not college-bound son that is currently spending 80% of his day in his bedroom. And my oldest son that just moved back home and has been trying to find a full-time job for over a year.

It gets a bit overwhelming to me, so I start to retreat inside my head even further because at that point, if I voice my feelings to anyone, they will just think I am complaining and tell me how thankful I should be to have such awesome children and how some people would love to have the experiences I have had, meet the people I have and how I should be thankful to have a husband that supports homeschooling and helps out with it when he can and doesn't expect me to work. I'm not stupid! Believe me, I am very thankful and I count my blessings everyday. I feel extremely fortunate to have been able to stay home and raise my children. It has been a wonderful experience to never have had to leave them in a daycare and be there for each and everyone of their milestones.

 But, does that mean that I am not allowed to have dreams and wish that I could pursue some of them with the same energy that I have spent being a wife and mother?

An old friend of mine really upset me a few weeks ago. He suggested that I go to L.A. to try and find some work in acting. I explained to him that I didn't have the luxury of just leaving my family to go "try my luck" in Los Angeles. He went on to say that they would understand and that I should do it. Now, this is a retired person, with no dependents, that spends his time traveling telling me, the full time wife and mom to "just do it." And there lies the problem. He doesn't understand my life at all. And that's okay. I am not asking him or anyone else to. I am just saying please don't suggest things for me to do with my life, that you've never even had to deal with in your own.

Sorry. I just needed a minute to get some thoughts off my chest. I still have no answers though. A good friend reminded me yesterday that this is where I need Patience and Faith to take over. I have to have the patience to be still during this period of my life and trust that God is with me and knows all I am going through. And,the faith to believe that my dreams can come true. Even though it doesn't feel like they can right now, who knows what tomorrow holds.