A final thought for 2010

As the year draws to an end, I think back on the year it was. It was a year of triumphs and tragedies. A year filled with discoveries and new beginnings. My oldest son, got his 1st job. My 2nd son started highschool. My 3rd son showed me his spiritual side and my baby boy let us know just how smart and funny he really is. My husband and I had our ups and downs as all relationships do. But, we found a common ground. LOVE. We grew stronger with everyday and I know that only God could have brought us this far. I learned that it is not only important to have a life outside of my duties as wife and mother, but that by pursuing that life, I become a better wife and mother. We lost some elders and others that seemed to be taken away much too soon. I go into the New Year, not with resolutions. They never come to past. This year I plan to go forth with prayer that God will allow me to be what he created me to be. Whatever that might be. I pray that my purpose is revealed. I pray that this family he has blessed me with, stays intact. I pray that we are blessings to others as so many have been blessings to us. I leave 2010 feeling very grateful and very blessed. To those that read this. Thank You. May you have a very wonderful, safe and Happy New Year.

And now he sleeps....

We awoke to the news that there were firefighters trapped in the rubble of a building where the roof had just collapsed. Our hearts sank. My husband is a member of the fire department and judging from the location mentioned on the news, he knew his company was there. He tried every number in his phone. Hoping to reach anybody that had any news. Pacing the floor, watching the TV, hands clasped in prayer. We felt relieved when we heard that all the firefighters had been rescued. But, our relief was short-lived. As my husband put on clothes to go and help out however he could, we got the call that one of the members of his firehouse had been killed. Soon after, another death was reported. By this time, my husband was already on the scene of the tragedy. I sat in silence, wiping away tears. I answered a few phone calls from family and friends hoping my husband was okay. Every time my husband goes to work, I pray for his safe return. I also pray that his entire crew gets home safe as well. They work hard and they never hesitate to put their lives on the line. This really used to bother me. I was selfish in a way. I didn't want him to fight fires and climb ladders and go into unsafe conditions for people he didn't even know. But, to be in the service of others is truly God's work.We are all connected. All created by the same divine hand. How could he or any of them, think twice about helping another in need? When it comes down to it, I wouldn't hesitate either. To the families of the firefighters that lost their lives today, I pray God's mercy on you. This is not an easy journey to have to take.Even for those of us not "related", it is still very painful. To my husband, as I watch you finally sleep after such a long, hard, sad, day. I know you are doing the work you were called to do.And you do it bravely.  I will continue to pray for you and all of the crews out there.Always hoping that all of  you make it home safely. And I know that today, home for two of you meant heaven.

The frustration of it all.

There are times when I understand why some animals in the wild eat their young. I believe it is to save their own lives or at least preserve their sanity. Now, I would never advocate or actually consider harming my children. However, there are days when I wonder exactly what cruel joke is being played on me by being their mother. The problem lies with my two oldest sons. They are 20 and 15 respectively. They drive me up the wall. One of them loses everything of value that he is given, but has every school assignment and notebook since the 5th grade. Since 7th grade, he has lost 5 calculators totaling $600.00. Add to that, mp3 players, countless hats and gloves and probably a few other things he hasn't told me about. I think the most frustrating thing is that it seems like he doesn't care. He takes a very nonchalant approach to the items he loses. Probably because he figures they will all be replaced. The latest thing he lost was a really nice hat that my husband just bought him. He lost it and never bothered to mention it. I just happened to ask him if he had his hat and he said yes. My mommy radar went off and I said, "you lost the hat didn't you?" I was faced with the blank "deer in the headlights"stare that I have seen so many times. I was so angry that I actually wanted to cry. Not sure why I reacted that way to the loss of a hat.  I think it is because I have finally reached the breaking point.  Now, on to my 20 year old. *sigh*. He is just in that, "grown without having your own" stage. I don't even have the strength to begin writing about him right now.  He acts as if is a bachelor in a house of 6.  Don't get me wrong, they are beautiful young men, but they just seem so clueless at times. I still have to tell them to wash their clothes, take out the garbage, wash the dishes, etc...I really fear for their future. At this rate, they better marry women who want grown children. I still have hope that one day they will wake up with responsibility and maturity. At this rate, the younger two will move out of the house before they do. I must admit I probably have something to do with the way that they are. I was very attentive and always there for them no matter what, cooking, cleaning, help with homework. I thought that this was what I was supposed to do. If only I had known, I would have spent much more time away from home allowing for them to fend for themselves. Maybe that would have taught them a lesson. Probably not. In fact from what I hear, the behavior of my oldest two sons seems to be an epidemic. There are scores of parents out there just like myself and my husband standing in the middle of a room scratching and shaking their heads wondering where it all went awry. Is there hope for us? I don't know. Right now, all we can do is wait for them to move out, have jobs, bills, homes and families of their own so we can sit back with sly grins on our faces...... if we survive that long.

Talk a good game

As much as I write about not liking the winter weather. Sometimes when it is cold outside, I just have to open the door or window and let the cold blast hit me in the face. It is so refreshing! The novelty quickly fades when I am stuck driving in it or when I almost break my tailbone slipping on it. I have always thought that I would love to live where it doesn't snow, but I am starting to believe that I a little snow isn't so bad. Although, the final verdict will be rendered AFTER I spend a winter away from cold and snow.

And then the snow began to fall

I was up until about 1 a.m. this morning. Not sure why. Sometimes it is just so quiet in the house at that time that I want to savor the silence. Anyway, I looked out the window and saw that the snow had begun to fall. I sighed a big sigh and knew that there was no chance for the "snowless" winter that I pray for every year. It's not that I don't like snow. It is very pretty on postcards. But up close, not so much. As I write this, the snow continues to fall and I can only imagine the shrieks of joy that will soon be emanating from my two youngest boys when they awake. As for me, I am going to seriously consider hibernation.

And then the snow came.....

I know it's coming. I have lived in Chicago all of my life. I know the cold and snow is coming, but I am NEVER ready for it. I don't like to be cold. I don't like putting on 6 layers of clothes to go to the store. I get no pleasure of having the hairs in my nose freeze when I try to breathe in. This is not what I call fun. You would have thought it was Christmas morning in my house with the way my 8 year old reacted to seeing the light dusting of snow on the ground this morning. He was downright giddy! He had no problem getting washed up and putting on clothes. He even voluntarily put on his boots, gloves and hat. We did have him remove them so he could eat his breakfast. But, that is how excited he was. He and my youngest son got out side and threw snowflakes at each other. There wasn't enough to make snowballs. But, they didn't care. Standing there in my kitchen window shivering, I looked out on them and realized I was looking at pure childhood wonder. They didn't care that is was 20 degrees outside. All they cared about was trying to catch their first snowflake of the season on their tongues. I tried to find that wonder inside of myself so I could share in their glee. But, all I could do was pour myself another cup of tea, look for my "longjohns", and get ready for another winter in Chicago.